I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
