12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
At least life still wants to fuck me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
