Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
