I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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