i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
