Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
