Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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