mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
