drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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