if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
