im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
