hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
