What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
