batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
