If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
