if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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