Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
