Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
