Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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