I think I died a long time ago.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
