I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
