I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
