Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
whose ass print is on the piano?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
