So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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