a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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