i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
