Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
foreskin is a definite game changer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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