I will die if light touches me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
