you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
