im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
