i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's never too late to be topless.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
