Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize