sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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