A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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