Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
