i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is the high leading the old right now
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
