If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
