We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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