i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
