we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
