a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
