i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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