Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
