my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
