You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
