My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have feelings that need drinking.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
