Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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