just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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