Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
