I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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