I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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