Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize