So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
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I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize