this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
