we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
