He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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