My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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