Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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