You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
