apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
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my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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