It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
