we're chasing vodka with high fives
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
