GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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