you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
