need another drink. this is the easiest way
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
