I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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