so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize