A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
