so let's talk penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize