I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
