I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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