If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
