how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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